HowAboutWe

May 22, 2012

In the beginning, Hannah’s relationship with Adam annoyed me beyond belief. I never once thought that I could relate to that relationship and just rolled my eyes at a lot of the chatter about how Adam is this sad, depressing, and gross representation of everyone’s first boyfriend. Not mine, I said. Not mine.

Until the end of last night’s episode.

There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach when the two of them were on the phone and she asked him to go look outside his window and tell her what he saw. And he actually does it. And is sincere about it. And acts as if he is genuinely interested in Hannah and really wants to tell her this story about the crack head lady on his street and the cashews. And you just think, Shhhhiittttttt. This one act of kindness seems to erase every single other instance in which he was incredibly awful to you. And is it even really kindness? Does not behaving like a fucking asshole equal kindness? And that’s just it. It does sometimes. So many times I’ve justified to myself the reasons why I should allow this person to continue to exist in my life despite all of the incredibly shitty things that they’ve done to me. I’ve rolled my eyes at the stories of my friends who were continuing to allow a man to treat them like “monkey poop” and said to them, “Well, if you don’t care if they treat you like shit, I guess I shouldn’t either.” Who in the hell did I think I was saying that when just two days later I would call some dude who invited me over, ended up smoking up with a friend, and 20 minutes later called and told me that I couldn’t come up while I was en route to this dude’s house and being driven by two very friendly gay gentlemen because they saw some poor girl who couldn’t get a cab outside of Paradise!!! because I was lonely?

Oh my God.

I am so happy that I am a boring old lady now because that shit was fucking gross.